It is with great pleasure that I announce that [CEO] has been presented with the [name of corporate overlord] [name of bullshit award] in the past month.

This is a great honor not only for [CEO] but for all of us here at [facility name].  Each year [corporate overlord] recognizes achievements of their facilities.  A Chairman’s Council Award is presented to the CEO based on a review of their performance indicators as it relates to clinical and financial indicators as well as employee and patient satisfaction.  A CEO who received the Chairman’s Council Award three times is then presented with the [name of bullshit award].  This award has been presented three times throughout [corporate overlord’s] history however [CEO] is the only CEO to be presented the [bullshit] award three times in a row which leads to his presentation at the [corporate overlord] CEO meeting of the [super-bullshit-three-timer award]. At the presentation [CEO] was recognized for his leadership role in [this industry].

The [bullshit medal associated with the super-bullshit-three-timer bullshit award] will be displayed in our lobby once we obtain a protective glass case for it.  Please join me in congratulating [CEO] for his dedication and achievements.