In Bowling They Call Three Strikes a Turkey

It is with great pleasure that I announce that [CEO] has been presented with the [name of corporate overlord] [name of bullshit award] in the past month.This is a great honor not only for [CEO] but for all of us here at [facility name].  Each year [corporate overlord] recognizes achievements of their facilities.  A Chairman’s […]


So, at the bottom of every email my boss ends me is his signature. At the very bottom of the signature, it says: “T.E.A.M. Together Each Achieves More” By achieving more he must mean that the employee spends his time back pedaling all of his bosses mistakes and errors?

Chain of Command

I work for an ad agency a while ago which opened a new department who was tasked operating a new facet of our client relations.  The group was organized as such. VP Director of Sales (me) Director of Account management Account manger 1 Account manger 2 Account manger 3 Well after about a month of […]

Our Big Fat Greek Layoff

We have a large group of our team who are leaving us for various reasons by the end of this week/month. We would like to have a get together tomorrow at the Big Fat Greek Restaurant at 11:30 a.m. to say our goodbyes and wish them all well in their future endeavors. It is a […]

Boss Boss

Dear BS Job, three months ago my boss told us that we would produce a draft without discussing the project requirements with the VP first, in our boss’ words to “show we’re innovative”. Then we’d share the project with upper management, “wow them” and “invite feedback”. [Ed: I love how ‘feedback’ basically means ‘harsh criticism’ […]

Who is Marcia?

Dear BullshitJob, I am a helpdesk guy at a huge corporate campus…and let me tell you about a conversation between me and my boss regarding Marcia. I’m gonna copy you on some emails. [Ed: Here they are…] Marcia is having a problem with her machine, can you call her? Hi, sure, but a few questions: […]

Long Notice

I knew I was quitting, so I gave 2 month notice at my job. I know, two MONTHS? But I figured it was the right thing to do, and they could hire my replacement in plenty of time. After I gave notice my boss started treating me really badly. I called in sick a few […]

New Forms Are Awesome, Huh?

Embedded within a performance culture is the ability and desire to seek opportunities to enhance performance throughout the organization. I believe the Maximizing Claim Productivity Worksheet we have created will enable us to continue to find ways to improve our productivity, implement changes in a timely fashion and appropriately assess the impact of such modifications. […]

Letter From CEO Translated

Greetings to All: I want to thank everyone for their participation in the organizational assessment done by [Expensive Consultantancy Firm]. I have discussed their findings now on two occasions and feel this assessment and the implementation of recommendations are extremely important to our institutional health and viability. I am calling for a facilitated meeting with […]

Wacky Manager Speak

Just a few little highlights…. “We’re not trying to boil the ocean here.” “Do you have any bandwidth to work on a support call?” “We need to interface one-on-one offline post team meeting.”