Bullshit Job » Human Resources

Health Care

Cubed00d — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 06:11:36 +0000

Our current American “heath care crisis” has given our company management the opportunity to cut benefits. Despite the insurance company raising our group rates a mere 6% this year, management has cut benefits to employees working less than 35 hours a week (previously it was 24) and is changing plans to one that requires more employee contributions and increased family deductibles.

Net savings for the company? Over 20%. Being the peon in HR, I am the one that gets to draft the memo that will be distributed to all employees telling them the news.

Company Shirt

Cubed00d — Sat, 16 Sep 2006 16:50:32 +0000

An immediate improvement in personal presentation is required by some employees. The wearing of a [company] polo shirt is permitted at any time. If not wearing a [company] polo shirt then all male employees are required to wear business attire including a tie.

HR Stinky

Cubed00d — Sun, 05 Mar 2006 22:50:10 +0000

Welcome [Employee Name], our new VP of Paradigm and Creative Development! [Employee Name] comes to us from [Other Company] where he was Brand Manager in their Stategic Services Devision. He holds a BA from Vassar and an MBA from Harvard. [Employee Name] was responsible for internet visiblity for the [Product], which was recently sold to [3rd Company]. He office is next to mine along the north wall, drop by and say ‘hello’! Also, [Employee Name] will be joining us from now on at our weekly engineering team meetings to help us develop a more brand-inclusive product perspective.

Shoes

Cubed00d — Wed, 11 Aug 2004 22:36:03 +0000

It’s spring and summer is fast approaching. Keep in mind that each employee’s dress, personal hygiene and grooming should be appropriate for the office. In addition, please note that shoes should be worn in the office at all times, including while sitting at your desk, for the purposes of professionalism and job safety. For details regarding the ****** dress code, refer to pages 25 to 26 in your employee handbook.

Org Chart

Cubed00d — Thu, 15 Jul 2004 18:04:35 +0000

Please note that the [development group] has been redeployed under our new Director of Forward Markets, [name]. Those previously under [name] have been moved to our Customer Service division. The new division created, the [division name], will be staffed as noted by the dotted lines in the diagram. We are currently searching for a new Director to oversee the group, who will be then hiring in his/her team of three developers. This Org Chart superceeds the one distributed last week showing only two divisions.