It is a pay for your own event. The managers will pick up the bill for the departing personnel.

Marcia is having a problem with her machine, can you call her?

Hi, sure, but a few questions:
1. Who is Marcia?
2. What is her phone number?
3. What is the problem she is having?

[Ed: three days later] Have you fixed Marcia’s problem yet?

I still need to know who Marcia is, how to contact her, and what the problem is?

What, she hasn’t called you?

No.

Oh, nevermind. She says it fixed itself.

I still don’t know who Marcia is.

Effective immediately, anytime you must call in sick you are required to call each person in the department to let them know you won’t be in for the day. You must repeat this each day you do not come in to work. Print out the phone numbers for each person and keep it at home so you know how to reach everyone.

Then my boss takes me aside, tells me I’m doing a bad job. I remind him I am quitting anyway and he threatens to fire me earlier than I plan on quitting, but in the end does not.

Four months later, he emails me out of the blue and tells me he has not found a replacement and asks if I will do some contract work. Of course I say no. I learned my lesson, never give 2 months notice again!

I have not found a sufficient replacement for your position. I am the only programmer currently in the department. Would you be interested in doing some temporary contract work starting on Monday?

Authorizator – refers to an individual with system administrative priveleges.

Acronymize – “We do not want to acronymize our product names for clients.”

“De-Dupic” – “How this de-dupic process works . . .” referring to database “de-duping” process.

Grammatic – “Some people are just grammatic.”

“It is what it is” . . . uhm . . . what is what what is???

Net savings for the company? Over 20%. Being the peon in HR, I am the one that gets to draft the memo that will be distributed to all employees telling them the news.

Feeling less than welcome, I spent the first few hours putting my Senior Software Consultant skills to work with the the office manager (a rarely helpful, frequently interrupted, and psychotically perky woman in her 40s – you know the type)
removing my desk from a cardboard box and putting it together with a hex-wrench. When I was finished, they had me watch
someone else program who was very annoyed at my unexpected presence and much too busy to explain anything. My first day ended with me being introduced by some manager in a department-wide meeting as “our new programming resource”.

When I showed up the next day they had put my rolling mini-desk in a busy little hallway sandwiched between two cubes. No desk had been in that location before.
Consequently, as people walked around the corner during the course of the day, I was collided with no less than five times and endured endless, inane and consistantly smirky “Oh, look where they have you!”-type comments. The two cubes on either side of me were occupied by none other than my boss…and his boss.

Clicky for bigness

If no one volunteers, assign it to the team-member least qualified to handle the project, or failing that, the least paid. After struggling alone, the novice employee will eventually have to ask for help from your more senior team members. Such a debacle will assure that your most qualified employees will voluteer in the future for such projects, knowing that inevitablly it will be fall on their shoulders anyway.

The leadership and willingness of the plan champions to accept a greater role in enhancing our Claim productivity is a sign of Excellence!

[Ed: Extra strength bullshit bolded for your convenience!]