Finest Bullshit of the Week...
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Leadership:
Boss' philosophy of what leadership is, articulated during a meeting: "If you look behind you, and someone's following you, you're a leader!"
[Ed. Or maybe...you're just an jerk who's standing in front of someone else?]
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Mission Statement:
Our mission statement is: To "Make A Profit" by providing a quality product at a very competitive price, in a controlled systematic way, for a sustained period of time to each of our customers.
And yes make a profit was in quotes, capitalized, and underlined. This was mailed out to 1000 of our customers. [Ed. Doesn't everyone enjoy making others rich? Damn ungrateful customers!]
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Consultant Bullshit:
Our CEO sent this email...
"I am looking for a consultant to work with one of our prospects to build the functional specifications for their new marketing database. This would be a great project for a small consulting firm or independent consultant. Thanks."
The kicker is that we are a marketing company that builds databases.
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Mission Statement:
Committed to excellence, we provide supportive services necessary for learning, discovery, and service.
We adopted the above mission statement a year ago... just last week we get told that we can no longer afford customer service.
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How Many VPs Do You Need?
I am pleased to announce that Todd [last name misspelled and later corrected by SVP] has been appointed to the newly created position of Vice President, Group Marketing and will report to me. The dynamics of consumer marketing and circulation will warrant us growing our business through new revenue streams and channels and this role will be instrumental in identifying and executing on these opportunities. [Ed. Bullshit in boldface for your convenience. Evidently the company needs so many VPs they can't even get their names straight.]
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Click Here for more REAL BULLSHIT on the " Weekly Bullshit Page".
Look familiar? Those are real memos. Seriously.
Boss got you down? Boss' boss got you down? Boss that isn't even your boss got you down? We feel your pain. Vent that pain here. Anonymously. Send us your emails. Send us your memos. Send us all the bullshit you can find. Is your job bullshit? There is plenty to go around, why not laugh at it? Find out more about this site.
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Manager's Corner aka. Piled Higher and Deeper
Volunteers: Assignments with impossible deadlines or pointless pet-projects work best when asking for volunteers. Offer nebulous rewards with as few specifics as possible like "an appropriate amount of comp-time", or "the thanks of upper management", or the ultimate, vague non-reward, "a chance to work on elite company-critical research projects in the future". If no one volunteers, assign it to the team-member least qualified to handle the project, or failing that, the least paid. After struggling alone, the novice employee will eventually have to ask for help from your more senior team members. Such a debacle will assure that your most qualified employees will voluteer in the future for such projects, knowing that inevitablly it will be fall on their shoulders anyway.
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