Finest Bullshit of the Week...
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TLA (Three Letter Acronym) Bullshit:
Please be advised that the RVI system should NOT be used today due to the
ITS/HSY integration. It will be available tomorrow. There is no
guarantee that any items sent via the RVI system today will be available
tomorrow and the system may not function as anticipated.
If you experience any problems, please contact your local ITS department or
Support Services at the SSC.
[Ed. This has gone WTF (way to far? ...or something else? heh.)]
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Water Cooler Bullshit:
A recent memo from the boss:
The cleaning person left me a note saying that the coffee pot was left on
last night and there was a small amount of coffee left in it. It is very
important that we all are making sure that the coffee pot is turned off
before the end of the working day. The people in charge of kitchen duty
should be double checking to make sure that the coffee pot has been turned
off and that no coffee is left in the pot.
Also, the water cooler continues to be left plugged in with no water in the
cooler. Per my previous emails, I have stated the importance of why the
water cooler always needs to have water in it or unplugged. We have already
experienced the result of what happens, in the first 4 months that we had
the water cooler we did not take care of it and it lead to the motor burning
out. If you would like to continue the privilege of water, you must abide by
the rules.
[Ed. Privilege of water? What F*&%&#% century IS THIS?!?]
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Corporate Streamlining:
Due to rough economic conditions we are
required to cut cost to become more competitive, to
achieve this we will be performing corporate
streamlining.
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New Contest:
Send in your BEST NEW CORPSPEAK BULLSHIT NAMES for LAYOFFS!
Has your company recently had a "downsizing", "restructuring", or "staff reduction"? Sure we've all heard those before, but what about really CREATIVE BULLSHIT like "job action" or "payroll adjustments" or "employee phaseout"? GOT MORE??
Send it in! Email yours in today to layoffs@bullshitjob.com.
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Click Here for more REAL BULLSHIT on the " Weekly Bullshit Page".
Look familiar? Those are real memos. Seriously.
Boss got you down? Boss' boss got you down? Boss that isn't even your boss got you down? We feel your pain. Vent that pain here. Anonymously. Send us your emails. Send us your memos. Send us all the bullshit you can find. Is your job bullshit? There is plenty to go around, why not laugh at it? Find out more about this site.
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Manager's Corner aka. Piled Higher and Deeper
Volunteers: Assignments with impossible deadlines or pointless pet-projects work best when asking for volunteers. Offer nebulous rewards with as few specifics as possible like "an appropriate amount of comp-time", or "the thanks of upper management", or the ultimate, vague non-reward, "a chance to work on elite company-critical research projects in the future". If no one volunteers, assign it to the team-member least qualified to handle the project, or failing that, the least paid. After struggling alone, the novice employee will eventually have to ask for help from your more senior team members. Such a debacle will assure that your most qualified employees will voluteer in the future for such projects, knowing that inevitablly it will be fall on their shoulders anyway.
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