Mergers and Acquisitions

Cubed00d — Wed, 01 Jun 2005 16:03:04 +0000

As of Monday, [Company Name] is now a fully-ownded subsidiary of [Company 2]. We are pleased and proud to be party of the [Company 2] team! As you might expect, in the near future, we will have some administrative changes and benefits changes, as well as a review of procedure and organizational matters. Next Thursday during the lunchhour, we are having a voluntary (but highly reccomended) ‘brown bag’ meeting to answer questions and discuss events of this week. Please attend!

[Ed: What, no pizza? Business meeting during the lunch hour? Maybe they sold to the wrong company.]

Working Lunch

Cubed00d — Wed, 01 Dec 2004 18:53:06 +0000

To: [All]
From: [CEO]
Due to the recent events and the uncertain purchasing climate of the American consumer, we have been forced to make some changes at [Company]. Starting immediately, empoyees are asked to shorten their lunch hour to 30 minutes and work through that period. We need extra effort, drive, and focus to acheive in this challenging time. We would also like to reinforce our request that all time off, even if it is only a few hours for a doctor’s appointment, be cleared with your manager at least one week before that date. Adherence to these guidelines will be a factor in your periodic review.

An email weeks earlier:
To: [All]
From: [CEO]
…all salary increases or promotions at annual reviews are suspended until further notice.
[Ed: Screw it then, I'm off to lunch! What's the point!?]

Bullshit Job » brown bag

Mergers and Acquisitions

Working Lunch