Contest: Best Terms For “Firing A Bunch Of People”
Has your company recently had a “downsizing”, “restructuring”, or “staff reduction”? Sure we’ve all heard those before, but what about really CREATIVE BULLSHIT like “job action” or “payroll adjustments” or “right sizing”? Here are the best 10 that were sent in…thanks and enjoy!?
# Resource Leveling
# Job Abolishment
# Involuntary Departures
# Separation from the Organization
# Workforce Redeployment
# Headcount Reduction
# “Due to lack of work…”
# “The company has decided to move forward…”
# “Your job has been impacted.”
# Payroll Reduction Plan (PRP)
[Ed: PRP is my favorite. It sounds like saving money for retirement ….but NO, WAIT! You’re fired! ]
I was once made redundant along with an office full of people and we were never once told that it was redundancy – we were told that “We were moving towards new opportunities”
Nice!
RIF (reduction in force)
The best I heard lately was from a corp bigshot in my office who said “employee releasing.” Like, from prison.
Differently Advantaged
GTFO (get the f#&K out) pronounced “GITFO”
Some of these can’t be real. Please tell me that it was not part of someone’s job to come up with these terms. “Job Abolishment”?”Headcount Reduction”? Baaaaaahahahaha. Oh man. That’s awesome.
My idiot of a company president calls it “flexing down.” I’ve also heard “redacted.”
Our company recently “Trimmed the fat”. And yes that term was used in an all company meeting.
“Removing expenses (human beings) that do not provide the value needed.”