Who is Marcia?

Dear BullshitJob, I am a helpdesk guy at a huge corporate campus…and let me tell you about a conversation between me and my boss regarding Marcia. I’m gonna copy you on some emails. [Ed: Here they are…] Marcia is having a problem with her machine, can you call her? Hi, sure, but a few questions: […]

Long Notice

I knew I was quitting, so I gave 2 month notice at my job. I know, two MONTHS? But I figured it was the right thing to do, and they could hire my replacement in plenty of time. After I gave notice my boss started treating me really badly. I called in sick a few […]

The Non-Word Corpspeak Dictionary

These are from the same department at one company Authorizator – refers to an individual with system administrative priveleges. Acronymize – “We do not want to acronymize our product names for clients.” “De-Dupic” – “How this de-dupic process works . . .” referring to database “de-duping” process. Grammatic – “Some people are just grammatic.” “It […]

Health Care

Our current American “heath care crisis” has given our company management the opportunity to cut benefits. Despite the insurance company raising our group rates a mere 6% this year, management has cut benefits to employees working less than 35 hours a week (previously it was 24) and is changing plans to one that requires more […]

Worst Desk Location Ever

After getting laid off as a highly-paid programmer at a startup I had the good fortune (??) to land another job within 2 weeks. It was a three month contract at another startup company in a high-rise downtown. The pay was much less and I had no benefits – but I had to take it […]

How Many VPs Does It Take To…?

I am pleased to announce that Todd [last name misspelled and later corrected by SVP] has been appointed to the newly created position of Vice President, Group Marketing and will report to me. The dynamics of consumer marketing and circulation will warrant us growing our business through new revenue streams and channels and this role […]


Volunteers: Assignments with impossible deadlines or pointless pet-projects work best when asking for volunteers. Offer nebulous rewards with as few specifics as possible like “an appropriate amount of comp-time”, or “the thanks of upper management”, or the ultimate, vague non-reward, “a chance to work on elite company-critical research projects in the future”. If no one […]

New Forms Are Awesome, Huh?

Embedded within a performance culture is the ability and desire to seek opportunities to enhance performance throughout the organization. I believe the Maximizing Claim Productivity Worksheet we have created will enable us to continue to find ways to improve our productivity, implement changes in a timely fashion and appropriately assess the impact of such modifications. […]

Letter From CEO Translated

Greetings to All: I want to thank everyone for their participation in the organizational assessment done by [Expensive Consultantancy Firm]. I have discussed their findings now on two occasions and feel this assessment and the implementation of recommendations are extremely important to our institutional health and viability. I am calling for a facilitated meeting with […]

That’s Service!

Committed to excellence, we provide supportive services necessary for learning, discovery, and service. We adopted the above mission statement a year ago… just last week we get told that we can no longer afford customer service and the department is being outsourced overseas.