In Bowling They Call Three Strikes a Turkey

It is with great pleasure that I announce that [CEO] has been presented with the [name of corporate overlord] [name of bullshit award] in the past month.This is a great honor not only for [CEO] but for all of us here at [facility name].  Each year [corporate overlord] recognizes achievements of their facilities.  A Chairman’s […]

Chain of Command

I work for an ad agency a while ago which opened a new department who was tasked operating a new facet of our client relations.  The group was organized as such. VP Director of Sales (me) Director of Account management Account manger 1 Account manger 2 Account manger 3 Well after about a month of […]

Health Care

Our current American “heath care crisis” has given our company management the opportunity to cut benefits. Despite the insurance company raising our group rates a mere 6% this year, management has cut benefits to employees working less than 35 hours a week (previously it was 24) and is changing plans to one that requires more […]

Company Shirt

An immediate improvement in personal presentation is required by some employees. The wearing of a [company] polo shirt is permitted at any time. If not wearing a [company] polo shirt then all male employees are required to wear business attire including a tie.

HR Stinky

Welcome [Employee Name], our new VP of Paradigm and Creative Development! [Employee Name] comes to us from [Other Company] where he was Brand Manager in their Stategic Services Devision. He holds a BA from Vassar and an MBA from Harvard. [Employee Name] was responsible for internet visiblity for the [Product], which was recently sold to […]


It’s spring and summer is fast approaching. Keep in mind that each employee’s dress, personal hygiene and grooming should be appropriate for the office. In addition, please note that shoes should be worn in the office at all times, including while sitting at your desk, for the purposes of professionalism and job safety. For details […]

Org Chart

Please note that the [development group] has been redeployed under our new Director of Forward Markets, [name]. Those previously under [name] have been moved to our Customer Service division. The new division created, the [division name], will be staffed as noted by the dotted lines in the diagram. We are currently searching for a new […]