2 Emails Received…

It has come to VP of Development [name]’s attention that the snack table in engineering has has exceeded $400 a week in costs. This is unacceptable, as we are trying to cut costs. A monthly budget for snacks has been allocated and when it’s out, it’s out.

Next email only minutes later:
Please welcome our new Project Manager, [name], he will be guiding our [project], which is already in progress. Please everyone assist him in getting up to speed.
[ed: I wonder how much this new, green Project Manager costs the company a week? And what is a Project Manager anyway? Seems like only Project Managers seem to know. I wonder how this guy scores on our quiz?]

Boss’ philosophy of what leadership is, articulated during a meeting: “If you look behind you, and someone’s following you, you’re a leader!”
[Ed. Or maybe…you’re just an jerk who’s standing in front of someone else?]
[Ed. Several years later, I met my ex-boss’ ex-wife at a restaurant. She says he is a drug addict and unemployed and she divorced him. ]

Due to the on-going economic slowdown in our industry, we are forced to take additional steps to manage costs and restructure the business. These actions are part of a global program to align the company’s cost structure with reduced revenue levels.

These are conversations recently overheard at my job and taken from discussions in meetings. Most of the quotes are from my boss.

“if the delta is 180 degrees it takes 2 weeks, if the delta is 360 degrees, it might take 2 months, so what’s the delta on this? a reasonable amount of delta will require a reasonable amount of code tweak. a substandial amount of delta increases rev-time exponentially”

“we need to drill down on this marketing document to a fine degree of granularity”

“we’ve got a dinconnect here, am i building a truck, an SUV, or a sedan with this firmware app?”

“how can we ‘hand-stitch’ this trial schema? let’s facilitate that development, and determine how to stitch in our product without rebuilding the entire catalog.” [Ed: Sewing terms used in software meetings? How come I never thought of that? It’s the next big thing! “Let’s ’embroider’ a custom solution for the team!”